The real wisdom here isn't about surrounding yourself with cheerleaders—it's about the harder truth that you must first *have* fire before anyone can fan it. Too many of us wait for others to inspire us into existence, when Rumi is insisting on the reverse: self-ignition comes first, and only then do we recognize which people amplify rather than diminish our energy. A woman leaving a draining marriage doesn't need someone to tell her she's worthy; she needs to have already felt that spark of self-regard burning hot enough that she can finally see how her spouse was smothering it. That clarity—knowing what your own flame feels like—is what lets you stop mistaking toxicity for loyalty.