The real power here lies in Butler's insistence on *reciprocity*—that influence is never one-directional, never something we can dispense cleanly and walk away from unchanged. Most of us console ourselves with the idea that helping others is noble precisely because we imagine ourselves as the unchanged giver, untouched by the transaction. But Butler understood that when you truly engage with another person, a book, a cause, you become entangled in it; the weight of responsibility shifts both ways. A parent who raises a difficult child doesn't merely shape that child—the child's resistance, creativity, and struggles work back into the parent's bones, remaking their character. This mutual transformation is why genuine care costs something, and why it's worth something too.